When it comes to relationships, the talk is always about red flags (even we wrote an article on it first). While it’s good to look for things that could be an indicator of danger ahead, solely focusing on the negatives does have the potential to sour an otherwise great relationship.
The self-fulfilling prophecy (where you see what you’re looking for) has the opportunity to rare its ugly head. In light of this, we want to take a positive path today. We want to look at all the green flags in a relationship that indicate you have a winner!
When you look for both red flags and green flags simultaneously, you give yourself the best opportunity to honestly judge the quality of the relationship you’re in (and the partner you’re in it with).
And don’t forget, if you ever want some help turning your relationship into a sea of green flags, make sure you check out the free LoveTrack app. It does SO much to help you do it daily (and it’s fun).
Here are our top green flags to look for.
Relationship Green Flags to Look For
1. They’re a good communicator.
There’s A LOT that goes into this one, but the better they are at communicating, the bigger the green flag. We’re not just looking for someone who makes us feel good and “always says the right thing.” We’re looking for honesty, the ability to be direct when needed, and care.
2. They listen actively.
Being a good communicator goes hand in hand with this green flag —being a good listener. Specifically, someone who actively listens. Do they actually hear you, take the time to engage with what you’re saying, and do something about it? If yes, big green flag, and a winner.
3. They respect boundaries.
Breaking boundaries is a massive red flag, so respecting boundaries is an inevitable huge green flag. This carries the most weight when it’s something they might not personally agree with, but they respect it anyways.
4. They share similar values with you.
It’s okay when your partner and you have different interests or aren’t carbon copies of each other. But when it comes to values, that doesn’t fly. When your values are aligned, though, huge green flag for a relationship.
5. They take accountability for their actions.
Making mistakes is going to happen in a relationship. How they react? That can be a huge green flag or a nasty red one. If they take accountability when something happens that is their fault, green light!
6. They encourage your growth.
Your partner should be helping you to grow as a person, in your career, as a friend, and every single way possible. When they encourage and actively support this, that’s a big relationship green flag (and one of our favorites).
7. They’re trustworthy.
Simple one, but an important one. A partner that you know you can trust (even when it’s challenged) is like gold…and a big green flag waiving from the rooftops.
8. They handle conflict calmly.
Do they explode when there’s an argument (like a child) or do they calmly address it like an adult? They don’t always have to be able to say the right thing, but the calmer they handle conflict, the bigger the green flag that you have a winner.
9. They’re kind to others.
Watching how your partner treats other people can be a huge window into how they’ll treat you in the long term. When someone is kind to others, it makes the top of our relationship green flag list.
10. They take you on date nights.
Prioritizing intentional time together is a massive green flag. Sadly, less than half of couples go on regular date nights. If you are in that boat, it’s okay. The LoveTrack app we mentioned was created as a unique date night planner to help you get this green flag off the ground and back up the stand. And it’s free!
11. They support your goals and dreams.
You’ll see support as a common theme amongst our list of the biggest relationship green flags. In addition to the other mentions, support of your goals and dreams is a big one. Do they want you to reach your full potential (green flag), or would they rather you hover close to them for fear of losing you (red flag)?
12. They remember small details about you.
Your favorite song? How you like your coffee? What you’re allergic to? When they remember these things without you hounding them to, that’s a massive green flag. Again, if you need help with this (or just have a bad memory), the free LoveTrack app has a section to write everything down and store it so you never forget.
Having a great memory isn’t the green flag here. It’s doing whatever it takes to remember what’s important, even if you need to employ some free technology.
13. They’re honest even when it’s hard.
Do they just tell you what you want to hear, or are they willing to tell you the truth even if it hurts? If you find one that does this, that’s true care and true love.
14. They show affection in ways you enjoy.
This is an interesting one that is heavily nuanced. Notice it doesn’t just say they show affection. It says they show affection in the way you enjoy. In other words, they learn your love language and show affection that way.
One caveat here is that if you’ve never shared with them how you like affection (or it’s not obvious), you can’t really expect them to get it right. And if they do, that might just be more luck than a green flag.
15. They’re proud to be with you.
HUGE green flag here in a relationship. If they are proud to be with you and even go as far as wanting to show you off from time to time, that’s something to be excited about.
16. They’re financially responsible.
Again, another green flag that is nuanced. This does not say that they’re rich or well off. It just says that they’re financially responsible. Even someone who is not in the best of financial situations can be financially responsible if they have a plan to get back on track. If you see a plan, no unnecessary spending, and a respect for money, these are all green flags.
17. They’re reliable and follow through.
When someone you’re dating or married to does what they say, that’s a big green flag to get excited about. Remember, this isn’t just with the big things. If they say they’re going to be somewhere on time and they are, green flag. If they tell you they’ll remember something and they do, green flag.
It’s the big stuff too, but don’t discount the little things where it really shines through.
18. They genuinely check in on how you’re feeling.
When they really want to know how you’re doing (and aren’t just checking the box), it’s amazing to see and usually signals a fruitful relationship. Now, this can go overboard if they’re doing it too often, but regularly making sure you’re okay (both physically and emotionally) goes a long way.
19. They’re willing to compromise.
Last relationship green flag, but a big one. Compromise. If they’re willing to meet you half way (doesn’t have to be all of the time), that’s big.
I see a green flag. Should I go all in?
For those of you who are making a relationship decision based on green flags, let us help you pump the brakes.
First, when we say relationship decision, we mean if you’re looking to start dating someone, continue dating someone, or for a check up on the health of your relationship. If that’s you, keep reading.
If you see a green flag, yes, you should be excited. However, one green flag by itself doesn’t mean they’re instantly a winner. What you’re looking for here is a pattern. Are you seeing multiple green flags? Do they check a lot of these boxes?
That’s step one. Then, you have to compare this against any red flags you see. And if you do see a red flag, how big of a red flag is it? There are some that we look for trends with there, but unlike green flags, there are some red flags that by themselves are enough to shut things down.
Here’s the takeaway. Yes, look for green flags. But do it as part of a balance approach of also looking for red flags, and make sure you’re looking for trends, not just a single green flag.
Additionally, recheck often (and look for longevity)
Not only are you looking for trends of multiple green flags in a relationship, but you should also be looking for how long each one lasts. Are they actually part of their lifestyle, or are they just doing it in the short term to try and get some sort of desired outcome out of you?
Again, don’t look for deception here if it’s not here. We’re just mentioning it to have on your radar just in case.